I'm Sorry (You're Welcome) by Eugene Mirman

Tracklist

540 tracks • 268:33

Welcome To My Russian Audio Phrasebook

0:36

A Medically Reliable Introduction To Digital Drugs

0:25

Please Take Off Your Shoes

0:04

Intro To Ringtones

0:28

Introduction, A Gift From Derrick

3:31

Introduction

0:16

Crying

0:18

Welcome To The Meditation, Please Get Comfortable

3:22

Enter The F*Ckscape

3:07

Horse

0:04

More Crying

1:32

Don Draper Has The Flu

0:06

Some Jokes That Have To Do With My Girlfriend, A Hotel In Boston, A Man In Provincetown, Twitter, Time Vs. Timing, A Neck Pillow

5:00

Common Statements & Questions For Everyday Situations

1:57

Marijuana

3:00

Take A Ride On The Poon Schooner

3:19

Phone Call

0:07

The Body

2:26

Horse Galloping

0:07

Feet & Legs

1:55

Still Crying

17:51

Sub Pop Showcase At SxSW

1:56

Moons Over Your Hammy

0:10

Conversational Russian In The Workplace

2:17

Vibrate Vibrate Vibrate

0:07

I'm A Dirty Little Foreign Advisor

3:32

Pcp

3:00

It's Not A Slumber Party Without Thor

0:04

I Simply Keep Crying

25:35

Ask A Pastor

3:03

I Thought I Was The Pancake Man

3:46

Tummy, Doodle & Hoo-Hoo

2:54

Heroin

3:00

Ding-Dong Doodly-Doo

0:10

Horse III

0:08

Casual Phrases For Parties, Pubs & Outings

2:38

Apple Cider Vinegar

3:00

Duck

0:04

Heart

2:54

Now My Back Hurts

0:04

Proper Dinner Conversation For The Educated Guest

2:59

Some Jokes That Touch Upon Religion, Guitar Center

3:04

Waterfalls Shrimp Shrimp

0:08

You're A World-Class Pussy-Grifter

8:18

Small Talk With Strangers & Acquaintances in Public Spaces

3:00

Duck II

0:08

Fiddle-Doddle-Doodle-Deedle

0:08

Mdma

3:00

Waffle House Parking Lot Mix-Up

0:13

Throat, Arms & Hands

2:41

A LinkedIn Profile

2:39

Thank You So, So Much Mandy Patinkin

0:04

Lsd

3:00

Useful Phrases While On Vacation In Russia

2:49

Dog

0:05

The Time I Was Mugged In Mexico With Michael Stipe

5:48

Doo-Doo-Pa-Dee-Da-Da-Pada

0:11

Head

1:51

Cat

0:07

Oops

0:05

Commonplace Subjects Within The Rich World of Academia

2:39

Girlfriend, Khaleesi, Any Questions, Making A 'Zine

3:50

Phone Is Ringing

0:09

Amoxicillin

3:00

Thank You Body, Simple Ways To Relax

3:14

Contacting Celebrities On Facebook

4:18

Cat Purring

0:09

Friend

0:07

Peyote

3:00

Polite Ways To Engage People of High Status

3:15

Sneaking Around The Zoo

0:08

Cat Asking For Directions

0:09

Amaretto Sour

3:00

Not Happy With A Parking Ticket I Got In Portsmouth, NH

7:59

Goodnight, Buddy

0:17

Love

0:12

Paintings I Made To Showcase At My Local Whole Foods

2:29

Oxycodone

3:00

Baba Yaga Already Said She Was Sorry

0:06

Two Sheep Arguing

0:10

Spicy Fish

0:13

Mother Calling

0:06

I Marry A Couple From The Audience On Stage

7:05

Mice Making Fried Rice

0:06

Faxed To The Wrong Number

0:12

Linda Ronstadt Chillaxing

0:04

Bear

0:04

Father Calling

0:05

Mother 2

0:06

1960's Street Fight

0:05

Wolf

0:07

Fox Embarrassed About His Boner

0:07

Father 2

0:05

Seriously Bro, You Just Made Me Goosh... Thanks

0:09

Giraffe Sleeping

0:08

Zippa-Dee-Doo-Da Zippa-Dee-Da

0:09

You Can Call Me Al (Not Song)

0:06

Turtle

0:04

Aaaaaaaa

0:05

Don't Worry, This Man-Nanny Can Keep A Secret

0:11

Turtle II

0:09

The Best Misunderstanding

0:04

Wife Calling

0:10

Chicken Prostitue Haggling

0:13

Whoa... Lookout, Sir Beast-Weasel

0:07

Husband Calling

0:09

Someone Is Calling

0:12

Kindhearted Fireman

0:06

Shark

0:05

F*ckface Calling

0:07

Let's Put Our Intellectual Property Debate On Hold

0:04

Toilet Flushing

0:08

Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. And Mrs. President

0:11

Blender

0:08

Acquaintance

0:06

Unnnnnn

0:15

Ice Cream Hearts Melting In The Love-Sun

0:11

Automatic Door Opening

0:06

Doorbell

0:04

Auauauauauauau

0:10

Offal For Lunch, Woo-Hoo For Dinner

0:24

Alarm Clock

0:06

Goofballs Having Silly Fun

0:09

Wouowowoooouuuooo

0:13

Frying Pan Sizzle

0:08

Whistle Ring

0:08

The Jackal Never Misses!

0:10

Trtrtrtrtrtrtrllllbbrrr

0:17

Teapot Whistle

0:09

Land-Grabber's Cousin Has Nice Upstairs

0:04

Dishwasher Running

0:08

Mrs. Thunder/Mr. 80% Chance Of Rain

0:07

Vrrrvvvvvvvvvvbbbrrr

0:10

Telephone Ringing

0:07

Hyeuueehuuyehyeheyehyeyeeuu

0:12

Don't Mind If I Do...

0:11

Gwreeegwkqreu

0:10

Telephone Falling On The Ground

0:09

Round One Goes To Princess-Rump

0:07

Shower Running

0:08

Hrrruuhrrrunnghruu

0:06

Happy And Stuffed

0:06

Hraaaa! Hraavlaa!

0:07

Crackling Fire

0:09

Just Another Guns N' Roses Brunch

0:06

VCR Ejecting A Tape

0:06

Pleasant Surprise At Sleepaway Camp

0:07

Luuuuleelaaalalou!!

0:06

Handsome Old Man Has A Tummy Ache

0:04

Group Of Businessmen Agreeing

0:18

Unnngnhhhnhnhnuua

0:11

Baby Locked In A Dresser

0:09

Answer The Phone

0:12

Have We Met?

0:11

Pffrrrtttt

0:06

No, Please... After You

0:08

Fart

0:04

Gimme Back My Bonnie Raitt CD... Actually, Keep It

0:10

Susan Sarandon Is Calling

0:11

Long Fart

0:06

Tollbooth Attendant Is Open-Minded

0:08

Fart III

0:09

Colleague

0:06

88% On Rotten Tomatoes

0:04

Doodle-Doodle Hoo-Hoo

0:07

Little Girl Crying

0:12

Mischievous Whoopsy-Daisy

0:13

Hey!

0:06

Man Walking In Boots

0:12

Two Rascals Showing Off

0:28

Waffles

0:05

Screaming Man

0:05

F*Ckbuddy

0:06

48 And Flexible

0:06

Screaming Woman Who Sounds Like A Man

0:07

That Was Worth It

0:13

Piano Cleaner

0:05

TV Audience Clapping At Food

0:11

Bandits Helping Around The House

0:04

Drum Circle

0:14

Bryan

0:06

Rave

0:10

Army Buddies Going Big-Ball Bowling

0:14

Cream Cheese

0:11

I'm The Autodidact Of Amour

0:10

Last Guy At A Rave

0:09

Rabbi

0:06

Oh, My Wife Knows

0:09

Train

0:06

Priest

0:04

That Was The Best FTP I Ever Uploaded

0:13

I Can't Answer The Phone

0:16

Steam Engine

0:07

Neon Sign

0:08

The Healing Heart/Mother-In-Law

0:06

Intro To Outgoing Voicemail Messages

1:08

Just Two Doves At A Sweat Party

0:19

Motorcycle

0:07

Dr. Fart

0:11

Scanning An Item

0:04

Sarah

0:09

We Get Five Weeks' Vacation In Holland

0:05

Feeling For A Ripe Avocado

0:06

Young Man Is An Excellent Executive Administrative Assistant

0:16

Social Anxiety

0:08

Two Adults In A Small Space

0:11

The Sizzle-Maker

0:13

Jihadist After Seeing About A Boy

0:07

Mittens

0:13

Dude, We're On The 5 O'Clock News

0:18

Jack-In-The-Box

0:08

Jigsaw Puzzle

0:06

Www.Thepleasuresallmine.Gov

0:11

Kate

0:07

I Don't Have The Hiccups Anymore

0:08

No Answer

0:07

Fire Truck

0:06

Video Game

0:05

Thank You For Allowing Me Access To Your Oven

0:15

Debbie

0:16

Italian Person Eating a Pizza Pie

0:07

Andrew

0:07

These Goat-Like People Know Their Bodies!

0:08

Bill Clinton Is Still Quite Playful

0:10

Naturalized Immigrant Doing A Job You Are Unqualified For

0:10

Phil Donahue

0:04

I Could Sure Use A Glass Of Water Now

0:09

Kaitlin

0:08

Abortion Doctor Enjoying A Candy Bar

0:10

Grand Wizard Can't Find A Sock

0:06

The Kindness Of Strangers

0:10

Old Man

0:06

We're Registered At Bed, Bath & Behind

0:13

Powerful Senator

0:09

Steve

0:07

Lucy

0:06

IT Department Doesn't Have A Care In The World

0:04

Powerful Senator II

0:11

Judy

0:07

Fighter Plane

0:06

Brassy, Bald And Ejaculating

0:09

Ambient Noise In An Airplane

0:12

Megan

0:11

I Voted For McCain In 2000

0:10

Leave Your Name

0:07

New Car Smell, Old Car Feel

0:09

Airplane Flying

0:10

Police Siren

0:07

Paul Can Really Push Good

0:12

Kim

0:07

Tim

0:11

Stay In My Guest Room As Long As You Want

0:08

Police Siren In Europe

0:08

Police Siren In Belgium

0:08

Miguel

0:08

David And Joshua Mutual Pleasure Exchange

0:08

Doin' The Flip-A-Doo

0:05

Gun Shot

0:04

Sebastian

0:05

Machine Gun

0:05

Penicillin Dong

0:06

Anti-Vaxxer "Saxophone" Relaxer

0:11

Thong McHacky-Sack

0:07

Germaphobe Does Not Mind

0:04

.357 Magnum Inside A Watermelon

0:11

Matt

0:04

Very Sleepy Man Delivers On Promise

0:09

Gays In The Military

0:06

Thunder

0:05

Katie

0:08

Fourscore And Seven Years Of Happy-Happy

0:12

Confident Balls

0:08

Rain

0:10

Fart Walrus

0:09

Robert

0:10

Hurricane

0:10

French Woman Enjoying A Danish

0:06

Blizzard

0:09

Mr. sh*tface

0:06

No Shirt, No Shoes - Service

0:12

With Or Without You (Preferably With)

0:12

Pile Of Sneakers

0:08

Snowing

0:11

Shouts And Murmurs

0:04

Sentient Robot Going About His Daily Business

0:14

Pasta Nasty

0:07

Crème Fresh Jackson

0:08

Pilates Are Invigorating

0:12

Computer Downloading A File

0:10

I Can't Answer The Phone

0:04

New Email

0:04

I'll Take A Look At The Dessert Menu

0:08

Traffic

0:11

The Last Rock Star

0:20

Flitchy Woo-Woo

0:10

Kids Playing In The Park

0:14

It's Noon Somewhere

0:04

Slick motherf*cker

0:06

Sleepy Horse

0:10

Kids Playing In The Park II

0:10

My Bar Mitzvah Was Ten Years Ago

0:16

Spaceship Flying

0:10

Can't Come To Phone

0:13

Community Bookstore Meet-Up Gone Good

0:05

Dawn

0:07

Love Clean Up, Aisle One

0:13

Spaceship Crashing

0:07

Going To Warp Speed

0:06

Found Your Thing Using MapQuest

0:05

I Am A Doctor

0:08

Nick

0:09

Divorced MILF At A Used Record Store

0:15

Alien Supermarket

0:18

Poodle

0:09

This Cheesecake Is Divine

0:04

Laser Gunfire

0:11

Jam Session

0:16

Someone Controlling Technology By Waving Their Hands

0:14

Hello, Mr. c*nt

0:05

Standard Greeting 1

0:07

Can't Find My Socks (Don't Want To)

0:05

Ronald Reagan Taking A Shower

0:09

Standard Greeting 2

0:08

Tacos

0:05

Even Better Than An Associate Degree

0:13

I Went To School In The Boston Area

0:10

Fur Coat Getting F*cked By A Bunch Of Cats

0:12

Standard Greeting 3

0:07

Happiness Is A Warm Dong

0:11

Standard Greeting 4

0:07

Tree Falling In A Forest

0:09

Square Hole, Triangle Peg, Plus Another Square Hole

0:20

Jewish Person Saying "Oy Vey" Wrong

0:08

Standard Greeting 5

0:10

Call Me Dr. Stardust

0:04

Summertime

0:07

Standard Greeting 6

0:09

Standard Greeting 7

0:07

Now That's How A Puppy Should Sneeze

0:23

People Being Diligent At An Ad Agency

0:10

I Can't Answer The Phone (But I Want To)

2:15

Helicopter

0:06

Fun Times Inside A Grain Elevator

0:04

Living Helicopter Complaining

0:10

Operation Cooch-Toot

0:17

100

Preggo!

0:04

100

Chinese Woman Eating Lasagna

0:11

101

My Parents Won't Be Home For A Year And Five Days

0:08

101

Hero Returning From A Budweiser Commercial

0:10

102

Elephant Having Trouble

0:10

102

Sure, In There Is Fine

0:04

103

The Official Webcam Of Yugoslavia

0:07

103

One Of Those People On The Street Who Tries To Get Money

0:13

104

Last Entry Is At Three, But You Can Stay Til Six(!)

0:10

104

Telephone Calling A Toaster

0:13

105

We Were Just Talking About You

0:09

105

Grasshopper Asking A Dog A Question

0:15

106

Shortwave Radio

0:12

106

Bridesmaid Cutting Loose At The Governor Bradford

0:09

107

Two Apples On A Rainy Sunday In The Fall

0:12

107

Sophisticated?

0:10

108

Dentist Having Sex

0:07

108

We Deserve A Michelin Star

0:10

109

Mr. Mamet Showing Off His Special Forces

0:21

109

Panda At A Hotel

0:10

110

Soup Dumplings, Squish-Squish

0:07

110

Birth Control Pills Telling A Little Boy Not To Eat Them

0:10

111

Cat That Doesn't Mind

0:09

111

How Very Hemmingway Of You

0:04

112

Drinking Straight Out Of Lust's Milk Carton

0:11

112

Male Toothpaste Being Sneaky

0:08

113

Creamy Polenta Vs. Couscous

0:10

113

Amateur Anthropologist Makes Important Observation

0:15

114

Old Man's Penis

0:10

114

Senior Year Hebrew School Mischief

0:08

115

Dial Tone

0:13

115

I Wonder If This Was Allowed In Prussia?

0:13

116

Museum That Needs To Use The Bathroom

0:12

116

Pretty Fun Night In Merrill C3 Short

0:07

117

Celebrity Agreeing To Take A Selfie

0:10

117

Should We Take The Bridge Or The Tunnel?

0:13

118

Guy Getting A Sweet Beej

0:12

118

Dirty Boulevard

0:04

119

Fire Hydrant That Doesn't Want Anyone To Know It's Anti-Semitic

0:13

119

Is The Love-Falcon Available For Birthdays?

0:09

120

Portland, ME Is Cool... But Really Weird

0:10

120

Bellhop Who Got Stung

0:07

121

The Wish-Maker Will See You Now

0:17

121

LGBT Party Where People Are Eating Sushi

0:16

122

Head Of Development Instructing Rugged Hiker

0:12

122

LGBT Newsletter That Loves The Expendables Franchise

0:10

123

Sweaty Kid Crying About A Sandwich

0:08

123

The Shenanigans You Requested

0:05

124

What Gusto!

0:10

124

Too Many Pieces Of Paper

0:06

125

Puddle

0:04

125

Please Don't Make This About Harold Pinter (Again)

0:07

126

Magic Clown Using His Powers

0:12

126

Wet Hot Americano

0:14

127

A Gentleman Never Reveals His Source

0:13

127

Wild Turkey Bragging About His Mansion

0:13

128

The Number 84 Explaining To The Number 52 That It Is Bigger But Not Better

0:11

128

Glad The Town Approved Your Slurping Permit

0:09

129

A Mime Betrayed, A Mime Forgiven

0:10

129

Tape Recorder Being Used Wrong

0:09

130

Too Soon?

0:10

130

Misogynistic Maple Trees

0:12

131

Apple Sauce Being Naughty

0:06

131

Please Be Quiet Or You'll Wake Up My Titties

0:08

132

Never You Mind That

0:09

132

Safe Word

0:09

133

Two Pistols Sitting On A Shelf

0:08

133

She Got A Real Candy Apple Poot-Hooter

0:10

134

Cookies Being Arrested

0:10

134

Dolph Lundgren At That Top Of His Game

0:08

135

Mustachioed Man Has Patience, Diligence

0:11

135

Sheep That Is Too Cute To Eat

0:13

136

Two Gigolos, One Office Manager

0:10

136

Daughter Reacting To Her Mother Telling Her There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World

0:11

137

Secretary Of State Is Not Off-Putting

0:10

137

Desk Covered In Hair

0:08

138

It Took Another Man's Wife To Make This Boy A Man

0:11

138

Person From 1870 Who Was Frozen In Time

0:14

139

Nothing Goes To Waste

0:18

139

Boy Who Loves Hammocks

0:10

140

My Mouse Is Thankful For Your Mouse

0:11

140

Dustpan

0:10

141

Make Yourself At Home

0:04

141

A Billion Ants Writing A Complaint Letter

0:12

142

Meet Me By The Condom Machine

0:05

142

Two 20-Year-Olds Touching Their Winkies

0:09

143

I Feel Like I've Known You For Hours

0:13

143

Yellow Line That Divides Roads

0:09

144

Smell Of A Pear

0:11

144

Oh, I Thought You Wanted Something Else, Glad It Worked Out

0:06

145

Fire Your Dentist!

0:09

145

Group Of Wealthy Men

0:13

146

Confused Child

0:07

146

Postwar Japan Is Well-Understood By These Two

0:14

147

25 Rats Sleeping

0:23

147

Gene Simmons Crying In A Pile Of sh*t

0:10

148

I'm The Only Lady Who Could Pull Excalibur Outta There

0:07

148

Flowers

0:07

149

Rooting For Truffles, Miami Style

0:12

149

Fishing

0:05

150

Boat

0:06

150

Businessman Has Ding-Dong Like Rocket Ship

0:07

151

Sally's In Charge

0:10

151

Mizzenmast

0:05

152

Bow

0:05

152

Too Much Pudding, Not Enough Spoons

0:10

153

Stern

0:05

153

The Turkish Parliament Has Approved This "Carrot-Man"

0:04

154

Basement

0:05

154

It's Raining Dan

0:08

155

It's Like Apples And Oranges (F*cking)

0:04

155

Rainbow

0:07

156

Telescope Being Defensive

0:08

156

College Is Exactly What I Was Hoping It'd Be

0:20

157

Mentally Ill Farmer Is Finally Getting Help

0:04

157

Larry King Being Told Important Information

0:10

158

A Swedish Couple Enjoying Hearty Vegetables

0:06

158

Well

0:05

159

The Moment A Well-Respected Author Wins The Guinness World Record

0:11

159

Vulnerable Oligarch Vulnerably Sexting

0:07

160

Best Friends/Next Level

0:09

160

Salad

0:05

161

Little Girl Teasing A Lamp

0:09

161

Tooth Fairy Is Quite Real

0:05

162

Civil Disobedience Met With Heartfelt Understanding

0:14

162

Zoo With Nothing To Lose

0:09

163

A Textbook Case Of Level-12 Pleasure

0:04

163

Racist Stapler

0:07

164

So Glad That Was You Behind Me

0:06

164

Friendship Bracelet

0:07

165

Thor's Hammer, Mjölnir

0:08

165

An Astoundingly Honest And Fun Salesman

0:04

166

Celebrating My Promotion With My Wife And Some Dude

0:11

166

Two Lost Fireflies

0:09

167

Humpback Whale

0:10

167

Martha Washington? Mmmm Hmmmm

0:08

168

Crammin' For The Jam Exam

0:10

168

Elevator At The Empire State Building

0:13

169

I'm Glad We Waited Til Dusk

0:09

169

Tip Of A Billionaire's Penis

0:10

170

Brand New Pillows Covered In Blood

0:08

170

You Are As Powerful And Detail-Oriented As A River, Sir

0:04

171

French Kids Picking Apples

0:08

171

Just A Couple Of Lucky Special Ed Teachers

0:13

172

Huge Pile Of Dirty Shirts

0:11

172

You're Like John Adams Times 1.5!

0:05

173

Hotel Guest Falling Asleep Frustrated

0:11

173

Babysitter Surprisingly Into Divorced Software Engineer

0:09

174

RomneyCare & ObamaCare

0:16

174

I Guess We'll Need A New Kitchen

0:08

175

Guilty Catholics Have To Marry Each Other

0:10

175

The Nerve Of Some People

0:04

176

Boner School

0:05

176

They Call Me The "You're Welcome Man"

0:30

177

Spilled Milk That Found Out Its Son Died In A Car Accident

0:09

177

Let's Get Your Mind Off Of The Dust Bowl

0:07

178

A BuzzFeed List

0:08

178

So Relieved We Found This Abandoned Schoolhouse

0:07

179

Two College Kids Subtly Trying To Figure Out Which One Is More Disadvantaged

0:11

179

File Under "The Rolling Stones"

0:06

180

No Need To Explain Your Clean Aqueduct

0:11

180

Fox News & MSNBC

0:14

181

Amicable Divorce

0:05

181

My Poon-Noodles Are Your Doon-Poodles

0:07

182

Two-State Solution With Benefits

0:07

182

Bing-Bong Ding-Dong Playing With Boom-Boom Doom-Doom

0:09

183

My Skill Set Qualifies Me For This Position

0:10

183

Snacks In Iraq

0:06

184

Can't Tell If This Is Sex Or Hockey

0:12

184

Telecommuting Cat

0:06

185

Have The Report On My Dick In The Morning

0:05

185

Nano-Horse

0:05

186

So This Is Medicaid?

0:07

186

Hebrew Ray

0:07

187

Caldor Binge Drinking

0:11

187

Mature Cougar Is Addicted To Beej Pie

0:10

188

Abe Lincoln (Not That One) Is Ready For Fatherhood

0:06

188

Gender Roles On Their Way To A Football Game

0:09

189

Sure, You Can Use The Cat Door

0:08

189

Details

0:04

190

School Teacher Given Permission

0:12

190

No Senator, I Already Have Two

0:16

191

PTA Meeting Is Full Of Joy And Wonder

0:06

191

High School Hockey Team Seeing 20 Years Into The Future

0:07

192

Cheese

0:07

192

Oh Peter, Thank You For The Yard Work

0:10

193

A Real Whodunnit!

0:09

193

Anna Kendrick Discovering An Underwater City

0:06

194

The Czech Republic

0:08

194

Horace's Compromise

0:10

195

Drug Lord Feels Pretty Bad

0:07

195

Plutocrats Got Feelings Too

0:08

196

Hotel Bed That Is Tired

0:08

197

Warm Handmade Boiled Bagels

0:09

198

Silly Billy Goat Got A Heroin Addiction

0:18

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Explore Music
With Conscious Intent

Featured Artists

Musical DNA

Smart Recommendations

Support Artists

Tracklist

I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)

Listen & Explore

Technical Details

Tracklist

Tracklist

Tracklist

Explore MusicWith Conscious Intent

Featured Artists

Musical DNA

Smart Recommendations

Support Artists

Tracklist

I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)

Listen & Explore

Technical Details

Tracklist

Tracklist

Explore Music
With Conscious Intent